Does Christmas have to be the season for lies?
Saturday, December 22, 2007For the past 13 years that I have been a parent I have been a willing participant in the huge lie that is Santa Claus (and to a lesser extent the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and so on...) and for the life of me I can't understand why. I can recall the justification I used to use: kids like a bit of magic and fantasy, let's keep the magic alive in their lives as long as possible. Plus I used to believe when I was a kid; it's harmless! I've been an idiot!
I've come to believe it's dangerously wrong and here's my list of reasons why:
- You are willingly allowing your children to become the victims of a huge orchestrated lie - what is that teaching them? On one hand you are encouraging them to believe whatever adults tell them and then they find out they can't trust you after all.
- You are allowing an imaginary person to take all the credit! Instead of teaching kids that gifts arrive out of thin air, why not teach them that the magic of Christmas is generosity between real human beings? Why should it be a secret that their parents give them presents?
- You are confusing fantasy with reality when they are at a vulnerable age. I love fantasy, magic and illusion; I love Lord of the Rings but I certainly never believe any of it actually happened. It always causes problems when people accept fantasy as reality. Why are we encouraging it?
- You are indoctrinating your kids into the Cult of Faith.
And for me it's the last point that is the worst. The Cult of Faith is one that encourages you to convince yourself that something must be true just because you sincerely desire it to be so, despite all evidence to the contrary, and then labels it a virtue.
When one of my sons was about 7 or 8 there was some controversy in his class as some of the students were claiming Santa wasn't real. The teacher said "Well, if you don't believe, you don't receive." At the time I thought it was cute, and I indicated my agreement, as did everyone else including my Wife and the kids' Grandma. I'm sure the teacher was simply acting the part she thought she was supposed to play; afterall no one wants to be the spoil sport.
Now, when I recall those words "if you don't believe, you don't receive" they sound much less cute. Is it any wonder that people are so willing to believe anything in their lives when we set them up this way from birth? People are taken in by all sorts of charletans, people who can talk to the dead, people who can tell your future, people who can cure your desease through meditation, people who tell you that climate change is not real, that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, that December 25th is God's birthday. We encourage children to be like this from the very start and then we reward them over and over when they are.
The Cult of Faith permiates all of our media and stories: have some faith, trust in miracles, don't question, don't try to understand, trust your heart not your head; neither logic, nor intelligence will help you, only belief in something ethereal.
Well, I call bullshit on the whole lot! I'm a participant in this sharade no longer. I'd much rather my kids have rational, intelligent, inquisitive minds than blind faith in fairy tales any day of the week. There are enough real mysteries of the universe for everyone to engage with for the rest of their lives.
And with that, Merry Christmas Everybody :)
11 Comments
Santa, Easter Bunny, God, Jesus. I openly tell my kids they are myths and fantasy - all definitely in the realm of make believe.
Unlike my husband I don't tag God and Jesus under the same label as Santa and the Easter Bunny!
I would like our children to understand what the Christian faith is about. I hope also that they might learn about other belief systems.
I am interested in helping our children have a strong set of values and a sense of place in the universe that is not dependent on a faith based on social traditions or a fear that "if you don't believe, you don't receive".
Oh man, you voiced my thoughts better than I could have dreamed!
In fact I use Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy as arguments for why belief in God is so ridiculous - there's no more evidence for the existence of omnipotent super-beings than there is for the existence of seasonal folk heroes, and examined logically, both are utterly nonsensical. You can enjoy christmas without having to believe in Santa Claus, just as you can have strong ethics and morality without having to believe in God.
(And as it goes, I think that religously-based morality is the antithesis of true morality - doing good things so that you go to heaven, or because it's what God wants, is not truly moral, it's acting out of fear, deference, or self-interest. Doing good things simply because they're good things - that's true morality.)
The Cult of Faith, as you so aptly describe it, is an incredibly dangerous thing - if we're to allow ourselves to believe in something simply because we wish it, well, where does it end? Suddenly anything you want can be true. Dangerous.
I dunno.. I can see where yer coming from.. but I've yet to meet a kid that was screwed up from believing in Santa for a brief period in their life.
Oh and Rosemary, why shouldn't God and Jesus be under the same label as Santa and the Easter Bunny? Seems like you're being a bit hypocritical there.
You don't want your children to believe in something that doesn't exist (Santa, Easter Bunny, etc), yet you expect them to have faith and believe in things (God, Jesus) that we have no proof actually exist.
And then again, who's to say Santa doesn't really exist?
@Jimmy - Not hypocritical, my classification scheme is just a little different to yours that's all.
I think Jesus did live and die.
Also if you re-read my comment above I don't expect my children to have a belief in God and Jesus. I just want them to understand what it is about as I am certain they will attend the odd wedding, funeral and baptism in their lives. In addition they are will become friends with people of various beliefs and faiths so why not learn something about them?
I'm with you 100% on this one Andrew, and as I grow older and consider having kids myself, I wonder what on earth I am going to teach them about this sorta stuff.
Did you know the current red and white incarnation of Santa Claus as we know him today is largely an invention of the Coca-Cola Corporation?
Sad but true.
I teach my kids that it's OK to believe in things that might not actually be real.
I completely agree. My wife's aunt expressed these sentiments years ago, when our five kids were all young. It caused us to completely change how we approached gifts at xmas. Nor more lies. No more gifts from Santa. It helped our kids know to whom thanks were to be directed.
jb
"Doing good things simply because they're good things - that's true morality."
@James Oh really? On what authority are you expecting me to believe that? Yours? And it is certainly true that one can have "strong ethics and morality without having to believe in God."
The question I would like to ask you and any who believe like you is WHY should I have ethics and what you call true morality? You cannot come up with any good reason as far as I can see, and I've seen a lot of them. A very common argument is that this kind of behavior is good for society, you cannot have a civilization without it, etc.
The problem with this is that all you've done is drop the argument back a level. Why should I care whether society is helped, or whether we have a civilization? I suppose at this point you could drop back into name-calling and tell me that only barbarians think like that, but, once again, what's ultimately wrong with being a barbarian? Granted, they may not please *you*, but what's universally wrong with being one?
No. The only good answer is that "true" morality is universal. And the only way you can have a universal morality that's actually binding on me or anybody else is if that morality reflects (albeit in an imperfect way) the morality of the ultimate creator of that standard as well as all of us who are expected to live under it.
By the way, I agree with the original posting. We have never told our kids that Santa Claus/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy are real. We want them to clearly distinguish between what is real and what is not. Unlike some people apparently, though, I do not look down on those who don't share those beliefs. I think they're wrong: but I can respect an honest difference in beliefs in what is right and true. Why can't some of you give me that same courtesy?
@Gary, I disagree, there is no 'universal' morality. There is a general sense of morality in every society that is based purely in that societies culture and evolves organically over time. This happens despite the various teachings of religions. Most religions also change and adapt to keep pace with the changing level of morality in the society in which they exist.
I care very much that society progresses and that we have a civilisation because, frankly, I want one that is safe for my children and I'd find it very difficult to live without one!
Notions of 'true universal morality' are dangerous in the way that they polarise groups of people into the camps of right and wrong.